I am a very private person. I always have been. Although these days I live my life as ten times more of an open book than I did two years ago, there are still lots of aspects of myself and my past that I prefer to keep private. There are few things that piss me off more than somebody who feels entitled to know more about me than I care to disclose to them. And I am not only frustrated by these people, I find them threatening as well; there are reasons I choose to keep secret the things I do not tell the world.

I do not like to feel obligated to do things that I do not want to do. Especially when it comes to talking about myself. Right now, I’m at the point in one of my friendships in which this could mean an end to the relationship. Sadly enough for this friend of mine, I find the thought of divulging in my secrets twenty times more frightening than losing the friendship and plan on choosing the latter if I’m forced to.

Some people, like me, are only built to be so close to people and then it just becomes uncomfortable. In retrospect, most of my close friendships that have come to ends, came to those ends because the relationship was too intimate for my liking. Probably left over from the years and years I spent in the closet, that is just a part of my identity and that is fine with me; as one of the most unapologetic people you’ll ever meet, I don’t know if I would even label this trait of mine as a fault. While I feel bad for coming to a certain point of closeness with people and then slowly choosing to end the friendship, it’s just the way that I was built and that is the way I will always be.

I am curious to see how this will play out when I fall in love with someone (assuming that one day, against all odds, it will happen). Will love cause this trait of mine to be broken like a poisonous curse? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

I don’t really know what else to say. Rant over, I suppose.