They say the heart is resilient.
This may be true, but the more it skips a beat, the more it strains, the more it gets broken, it never seems to recover to its full health. And we find ourselves more jaded, more disillusioned, and more bitter about the idea of love.
I probably have no right to say anything on this subject matter because I can honestly say I’ve never been in that situation. But every time I allow myself to become more vulnerable, it doesn’t work out and I end up in a really bad place emotionally. :/
The past weekend, I was talking to a girl whom I’ve gotten to know recently. We met during NDP rehearsal. By the way, it’s funny how the fastest way for girls to bond is to talk about their past relationship train wrecks. She was talking about an exciting possibility of a new relationship, but expressed her lack of optimism towards it working out. Something she said really resonated with me: “I’ve grown so cold, you know? And I hate that.” Her doubt came from her past relationships, specifically the most recent one that hurt her so much it left her somewhat of an unbeliever.
I have grown cold myself. I still believe in love, but experiences have left me so debilitated, I’m not even sure I want to find out what it is. Is it really worth it?
Sometimes, I wish I were a nun.
