I try to protect my friends to the greatest of my ability. I lose sleep, I probe and venture into things that might not be meant for me to know. Because I want to be assured that my friend is not with some fake-ish friends.
I try to play my part as a friend as much as I can. Even if I may be going through a rough patch myself, I try to pull myself together as much as I could help it. I listen to them ramble, laugh with them, stand up for them, be with them when they need me, go away when they don’t.
Why am I always so disposable to everybody? Like it doesn’t matter if I’m there or not, your friend or not, dying or not, in pain or not. You need me, you come. Happy, you go.
I am tired of drama, when half the shit that happened doesn’t even concern me but my friends instead, but I don’t know where to run to, who to run to, to seek that bit of solace I ask to keep my sanity in check. My heart is emptying into a bigger and bigger cavern, and I am not joking.
I give a little to her, a little to him, a little to you, and I only have so little of it left for myself. It’s just one big empty hole. And I can’t fill it up. I don’t know what to fill it up with, and how do I do that.
I can really feel so alone, even if I’m talking to people, or even when I’m physically with people. Do you know the loneliness? Like nobody really knows and understands the war that goes on in your heart and mind. Like nobody really cares. Like they actually don’t want to care.
I can give you every part of me if you need me to. But where do I go, who do I turn to when I need somebody to just listen and let me know that this will pass and things will be okay?
Just because I may seem together, and I might truly be okay some days, doesn’t mean I don’t feel pain or sadness or any of the shit you’re capable of feeling. I wished people remembered that for a bit.
Thanks.
Quote of the Day:
Sometimes, I don't see why people are born on this Earth. We're babies, then we become children, then comes teenhood which full of bullshit, happiness, insecurities, and wanting to fit in. Then, adulthood, where you work for your family. I mean, being human, it's tiring in a way. We try to be happy, but sadness tries to beat it. We have heartbreaks, people commit suicide, and there's drama. We get worn out, then when our time comes, we pass away. We die.
