I saw her again today, she was having a Traineeship exam or something and her smile just made my day. Thank you. She probably did not notice me because I wear my geeky spec. Did I look different or what. :/
People always ask me, “Why do you like her?” That’s funny, because we all have our crushes, and there is always a reason why you like a person. Maybe because its something you enjoy about that person, how they are, their personality? Anything, the reasons why we like/love that person.
I have so many reasons why I like her, if you ask me - it will be one heck of a long list. I known her for 4 years, this may explain why I have a sudden crush on her.
Sometimes I wonder why I seek a relationship; to find this “special” person, this significant other, this other half. At the same time, I’m scared. Terribly scared. I don’t even think I can handle a real relationship with a person. It’s a lose-lose situation.
I want it on the surface yet deep deep inside, I don’t.
Was it the romantic movies? The lyrics of rock/pop songs especially Neutron Star Collision (Love Is Forever) by Muse? The advertisements in magazines and television shows? Everywhere I run, I can’t escape from all these images of what love is and what love should be. This brainwashing is self-damaging.
But the truth is, I don’t want to be alone. Like Fadhal says, when you are single, you are free but things might eventually get bored if someone don’t entertain you or really look out for you. As much as I value solitude, I also fear it greatly. Is this just human nature? The more I look outside, the more I see people linked arms to arms, fingers to fingers. People I know, people I met once, people whom I’ve befriended years ago. Their smiles radiate with light and hope while I stare blankly into the empty space next to me. And I can’t hep but to feel left out.
I am the ugly duckling that doesn’t fit in. The ugly duckling that will never transform into a swan. );
I feel like this is greed. I have so much to be grateful for: my family and my friends who cherish me and told me I am not alone. However, is it so wrong to seek for more, for one more person? To search for a different kind of love? Something that neither my family nor my friends can give.
So I took the lifeskills survey and I got Advocate.
MOHAMED AZMIE values close, personal relationships, and he will often put the needs and desires of those who are loyal friends ahead of his own needs. He is an even-paced individual who thrives in a peaceful, harmonious environment. MOHAMED AZMIE will work to avoid conflict and sudden changes in his lifestyle and finds joy in keeping tradition.
A warm, outgoing person, MOHAMED AZMIE enjoys having a high level of interaction with others. He usually finds the "silver lining" in a difficult situation, and typically enjoys the thrill of trying new things. He has a gift for influencing those around him and is viewed as an instinctive communicator. Others find MOHAMED AZMIE easy to approach and enjoy his easy, open rapport.
Neat and orderly, others usually see MOHAMED AZMIE as practical. He needs adequate information to make decisions, and he will consider the pros and cons. He may be sensitive to criticism, and will tend to internalize his emotions. MOHAMED AZMIE likes to clarify expectations before undertaking new projects, and he will follow a logical process to gain successful results.
MOHAMED AZMIE would prefer things stay the same, rather than to risk a new venture (unless it is proven and true). He is typically peaceful and low key, and is usually seen by those around him as a good friend and listener. He tends to adopt a "wait and see" attitude about things, rather than taking charge of a situation, usually preferring to let others take the lead.
