A crush is a crush, a fleeting instant of piqued curiosity and desire over as soon as it begins.. your overwhelming insecurity fills every message, every statement and question and strangles me, depresses me, makes me choke. There is no future here, no longer any desire, just an overwhelming desire to get out and away form this melancholy hold you have over your own heart and which you would have over mine. No, I will not stay, I must leave.
And now, now there is her. I just met her last month, through a friend, but she’s the kind of girl that gives me hope. She’s not just a girl... but she has a good personality. She’s kind and cute and funny and she’s everything I look for in a girl. My heart actually feels happy again and she makes me want to smile. I’m not in love with her, not even close. I don’t know what the future holds for us. I don’t know if we’ll talk for another week, or months, or years. I don’t know if we’ll end up together in the future or if it’s just a crush. I have no idea whatsoever. But this is what I do know. You’re not on my mind nearly as much. I don’t get that empty feeling when I think of you. I don’t miss you all that much. The sad places that remind me of you, are slowly just becoming places. Your flaws are standing out more than your good traits. And I feel... I feel again. I feel like maybe, just maybe, I could love someone more than you. I’m not scared to live anymore, I’m not so scared to love.
That girl, I don’t know what will happen with us. I don’t need to know right now though, because the fact that I’m feeling at all is perfect for me. I don’t need any sort of elaborate love story to save me, I just need hope.
And thank you to my friends who gave me a such motivation to go for it. :)
And that girl, she’s hope.
