I don’t care if I am a little late at this. I just want to say Happy Birthday to Henry. Nice bonding with everyone even though I’m a little bit anti-social just now. My bad.
I came to school for only one thing, to celebrate Heny’s birthday that was held at the school canteen. I didn’t go to any class or lesson. Fadhal called me, told me to accompany Henry for Lifeskills lesson but I don’t feel like seeing someone's face there. So I decided to join them at the park, and off to Junction 8 to take Henry’s birthday cake.
After the celebration, I told Fyfy that I going to skip Mr.Tan’s class. Fyfy said she wanted to join me. Hyrah also said she wanted to join the both of us. And Henry did it too. Not forgetting Fadhal. So the six of us skipped school. Terror eh?
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Fyfy & Hyrah saw her last Thursday when they accompany me go to the canteen, so they already know who she is or how she looks like. :/
Who ever thought going for one girl could be so hard... I guess I gotta try harder! When words fail, it's okay to settle with silence.
I try my hardest to be as optimistic as possible, to put a smile on my face whenever I can, to lighten up, kick back and relax but lately, I’ve been feeling rather pessimistic and I just can’t help it.
I know in my heart I have moved on. I know I have. I just know it. I don’t feel like how I used to when I see you. I remember feeling butterflies whenever I saw you but now, there is no more. You see, that was my top goal after breaking up; to move on but now that I have, why am I still miserable? That’s the biggest question of all.
After breaking up, I liked someone who brings a lot of bliss but she doesn’t even know of my existence. So I gave up - knowing that I have 0% chances of even getting to talk to her. Okay, that matter has ended in smoke.
Then, I kinda sorta like another girl and I am contemplating on whether to get to know her or to just leave things be. Rumour has it that she is rather interested in lust instead of a relationship.
I don’t want a girl who takes a guy for granted. If I were to be in a relationship, I’d rather have her take me as I am or I’d rather her walk away. I don’t want to be taken advantage of. I don’t want someone who wants to touch me, kiss me, hold me, hug me and all the time, give me a break or something. I want someone who can connect with me. Someone who can sit with me at an open field, lie there on the ground and look up to the skies and just talk. Just the two of us. I guess I want a soul mate; the best friend.
I believe, I will never get to experience this kind of love ever again. As the hidden ‘philosophy’ goes, here in world, the good ones are always taken and the perverts are single and absolutely available. Well, something like that but you get what I mean!
After years of constantly getting in and out of relationships, I’m exhausted of the old high school love. I want the real thing. True love. I want to fall for someone, so deeply and magically and blindly.
So I pledge to not get into a relationship until I’m certain my feelings for her are real, raw and undivided. I’d rather hurt myself loving someone then hurt an innocent girl who loves me.
