When I like a girl (am refering to that Banking girl)… like really like I get pretty much the same feeling I had when I had my first crush. The only difference now is I am not too shy to talk and acted that I don't care. It has always been like this no matter what. Even with the past three and a half years behind me that feeling still exists in my world. I am thankful I at least kept that instinct, others seem to have left me but that is a whole different story.

I find myself in situations where I would have found a “flutter” before, you know the one I don’t feel the need to explain. I might just be cynical at this point but I just felt like throwing up. Maybe it was because I knew the situation was not right; I hope this is the reason and I am not like that damaged. I am well aware that the butterflies won’t always be there. I don’t expect them to be, but they should be there for awhile. If there is just the vomit feeling then something else is up.

Somethings in life are worth waiting for. I had an opportunity to just be in a relationship very shortly after I had just finished one. I toyed with the idea but I just ended up nauseous. With the world around me getting engaged, getting married and having buying houses I just felt the pressure to immediately find something new. When it comes to relationships there has to be substance and a romantic connection. If you are missing one or the other once the butterflies leave you just end up with moths and an empty feeling. A lot of people are settling down, others are just settling.. I just don’t want to settle for anything less than butterflies.

I can’t go out with a girl just yet. I don’t have the necessary skills in dealing with them alongside studying (if I ever did, that is), all the while making them happy. Sadly, that’s my decision. I’m not going to ask you out. But know that.. I’ll be sure to look at you every time you pass by the B1-06 room. Even if you don’t think I do… That’s the trick... No, I'm not a stalker, but I'd like to turn into one.