If I ever had a crush on someone who’s on Tumblr/Facebook/Twitter/Habbo/Myspace, it’s just a kindergarten crush. It’s just a little crush; nothing serious at all.
I would put examples of my kindergarten crushes, but I’ll just let the anticipation build.
Its not the crush. I really thought it was until I started counting symptoms. Silly me, I haven’t been amazed or had a crush in so long I forgot the things I was supposed to feel. Took me this long to realize that what I’m feeling right now isn’t it. I’ve been moping.. I’m not giddy. Those aren’t butterflies, they’re my heart banging against my ribcage because its been knocked loose in shock. I crushed and I crashed into something, I’m actually mildly depressed because I’ve lulled myself into the thoughts of the impossibility of my crush actually becoming something... so being around said crush sort of upsets me. I feel like a fool, grasping for affection that probably isn’t there. Hardly ever do I feel a lack of confidence within myself, but that’s what’s overcome me. Its not a wild new thing thats making me nervous, its not some kind of kindling romance, its me letting go of it before it ever even.. began because I was so positive that it wouldn’t. I can hope I’m wrong but it won’t change the last couple of days where I’ve felt all kinds of “not good enough” and “maybe I should change ME” totally uncharacteristic of my personality. I love everyone for being themselves but for some reason I cant fathom someone specific liking me for being me.
I’m not lovesick. I’m sad because I can’t be lovesick because that requires more than one person. I’ve been moping, how could I have overlooked that? I never even entertained the thought that the emotions might be negative, really I just kept telling myself I was going crazy because I had it bad. Whatever.
I’m not normally like this guys, and now that I’ve admitted it to myself I can begin to work around it.
Because I know there’s someone out there for everyone, I’ve got that much faith.
