I felt guilty just now when Eizah looked at me while I was on my way checking the canteen, my form teacher command me at a WRONG time. He everyday command me, so I have no choice but to obey his command (for testimonial sake). Thinking I'm a moral student which is not. Slacker to be precise.
I didn't know that she was noticing me from the 3rd floor. I felt guilty, I don't know how she felt. I was in the wrong too, and mistake that I always made. Making friends with a girl who I had a crush on. But I'm surprise at least she did recognized me, her thoughtful thought reminds her of me. Yes, I turned my head to the left and looked her back, not even a second. I was afraid I might fall for the trap again because destiny is playing his tricks all around us. Its unpredictable.
I walked passed all the upper sec class; pretending to be ignoring her from the 3rd floor. I did not stir, and finally I made it without shivering. I did move my eyes a lil, even if I know in my mind that all my attention was at her. I saw her talking with Aini while lining up outside their classroom. I saw her laughed and with a spirit of paranoia, I thought and felt that it was a laugh mocking me. But I instantly discard the idea. I reminded myself that it was nothing. I know her. She’s not that kind of girl. It felt like forever walking to reach the end of the hall. When she was finally far behind me, I let out a sigh of relief. I really don’t know why I’m acting the way I do. Maybe its just me.
I don’t know how long will I be like this just to avoid her. And I really hope it won’t take forever to gain my friendship with her back. But I really believe forever’s not enough to forget her. She’s my first junior who entertaint me like Melly did. And first crush never dies.
Those harsh word that I put it into her is making her hating me. Yes, I'm guilty, thank you.
