The word girlfriend had me chewing on the inside of my cheek with a familiar tension while I stirred. It wasn’t the right word, not at all. I needed something more expressive of eternal commitment… But words like destiny and fate sounded hokey when you used them in casual conversation.
I’ll never forgive myself for leaving Melly. Not if I live a hundred thousand years. Being apart… It didn’t work out so well for either of us. I go a little berserk when I try to leave her. I don’t think I’ll go so far again. It’s not worth it. We may patch-up but things would not be going so smoothly. This fear me. I'm sorry that I left you for the past 1 month. I had to.
I don’t know how to phrase this properly. It’s going to sound cruel, I suppose. But I’ve come too close to losing her in the past. I know what it feels like to think I have. I am not going to tolerate anything in terms of losing her again. Do you really have any idea how important she are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love her? Sigh.
If I had found her, there isn’t a doubt in my mind how I would have proceeded. I was that boy, who would have — as soon as I discovered that she were what I was looking for — gotten down on one knee and endeavored to secure her hand. I would have wanted her for eternity, even when the word didn’t have quite the same connotations.
I'm very intense about Melly… and very careful. I feel like I don’t really understand our relationship. Like there’s some secret I’m missing… I love her. Not because she’s beautiful or because she’s rich. I’d much rather she weren’t either one. It would even out the gap between us just a little bit because she’d still be the most loving and unselfish and brilliant and decent person I’ve ever met. Of course I love her. How hard is that to understand, guys?
It’s not like love at first sight, really. It’s more like… gravity moves. When I see her, suddenly it’s not the earth holding me here anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And I would do anything for her, be anything for her… I become whatever she needs me to be, whether that’s a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother. I had no right to want her but I reached out and took her anyway.
I don’t want Melly to have to make sacrifices for me. I want to give her things, not take things away from her. I don’t want to steal her future.
Rina Mellyana were the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours.
She is mine. I didn’t say I would fight fair.
Amazing, isn’t she?
